Thorns

The Man who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.

Matthew 13:22

I was reading the parable of the sower this morning (you can find the full story in Matthew 13) and to tell you the truth, this made me feel a little discouraged. I know that the bible isn't supposed to be there just to make me feel better about myself, however I do look to the Word for encouragement. 

The truth is, this past year, which is the last of my twenties, has been one of the hardest. I don't need to go into great detail, but this verse resonated with me because the troubles of this past year have definitely stunted my growth. I feel like I haven't really been making my mark on this world (ie, bearing fruit). My zest (see what I did there) for life has been missing. I am but a seedling smothered by the thorns and can't reach for the sky.

But God used this particular passage to turn my discouragement into that encouragement that I needed. The farmer - He is able. In His mighty strength He can rip out those big nasty stubborn thorns. In fact, he takes those thorns upon himself and make them his crown of suffering (Philippians 2:1-9). I can't change my circumstances, but God can put on his big gloves and rip out those thorns. He can gather me up, he can nurture me, reposition me and water me back to health to make me fruitful once again.

So re-reading this passage, yeah, it sucks that I'm in the thorns of life, but I have HOPE in a God who will not let me choke under the circumstances I'm in.

You did not choose me, I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last.

John 15:16

Share

There I was, notepad and pen in hand. In front of me sat a panel of film stars. I was living my life long dream of being an Indonesian Journalist, meeting with celebrities, and receiving compliments for my fluency of bahasa.

But there in that moment I realised, none of it mattered.

Had I grown up? Was I frustrated with such little pay? Was I worried about missing precious weekend time with my little boy and handsome hubby?

I hadn't blogged in a long time. My new "job" was taking up most of my time and creative energy. There were definitely perks to this sacrifice - I got to meet interesting people, go to the city more than I ever did, go to restaurant openings and, of course, it made me feel like I was somebody. Even in my previous "blog life" I chased the kick out of pressing publish and getting likes. While I had good intentions for all of my blogging and article writing, in hindsight it's obvious it was all selfishly ambition driven.

As I returned my notebook into my bag that day, and walked down to catch the tram that would connect me back to my family in the outer suburbs; I felt this sense of not needing to chase the false high of all the praise I was receiving. That celebrities of any nationality were just people like you and me. Furthermore, I knew the God of the universe - was that not enough for me?

As the tram crept into Flinders Street Station I knew I was going to quit. And quit I did. Over 18 months ago. I also shut down my blog - the one with a domain name. I deleted the accompanying Facebook page and I wrote in my journal instead. Thoughts and prayers privately intertwined between me and my creator.

So why the new blog, then? I hear you ask.

Great question.

Sometimes I still feel the urge to write, and to share. I believe that we were put on this earth to share under the right circumstances. So I'm restarting. No deadlines, no dot-com, no ambition, no out-to-get-likes, no weekly post.. Just the raw version of what I feel led to write... and to share.